Change can’t occur unless you care and love yourself!
Everyday I look in the mirror and I try my best to see the beauty inside of me. I try to be thankful for all the good I am, my two (mostly) working eye. My able body. My ears that hear the music I love. My fingers that help me to write. etc. Yet years of self-hatred and societal judgemnet has left a scar on my physique. Never have I actually thought myself to be beautiful. In fact I often find myslef to be downright gross.
Since my pre-teens, I was a little overweight, full of pimples and had wild hair that never looked like the silky locks my friends had. Body positivity wasn’t a thing yet and I never managed to have the high school experience of having a boyfriend. Heck for most of my teenage years I was the girl no guy had on his top ten list.
Now I don’t need no validation from other people to feel good but still that feeling has remained. When I started on my journey of change I knew without a doubt that the thing I needed to tackle was my self hatred. First and foremost!
So how does one go about loving yourself when you can’t even make eye contact with yourself without cringing? Good question? To be honest I still don’t know for I am still working on it but here is one thing I have learned.
Small steps makes the biggest strides!
I can count the number of selfies I have on my phone from the past year on one hand. The few times I felt I looked okay enough to document it was immediately followed by an Oh My God, why would anyone allow this out of the house. It is usually accompanied by a private sob fest and gnawing self hatred.
But small steps right. This selfie was the first ‘ugly’ one I kept because it made me laugh so much. I had tried a bunch earlier that day with the backdrop of the my home country behind me and had deleted them all yet this one survived. Because it brought me joy!Maybe rather than trying to hide the things I see as flaws with pouts and bedroom eyes maybe it was best to celebrate me as the awkard creature I am. In those moments I don’t care how I look because I was havign fun and not trying to be ‘cute.’
So embrace the silly. Okay, that I can do!
I took that notion and applied it to my daily mirror self hate talks. No longer do I trudge into the bathroom looking everywhere else but my own eyes. Now I dance into the room. Yup you heard right. I dance into the bathroom. Then I wink at myself and fingr guns. This usually results in a fit of laughter at how dorky I am but there is a tiny spark of self-love. The oh Andy you are so silly.
Change the way you think of yourself and attract greatness.
When I was younger a teacher said to me that I could not be successful if I didn’t enjoy myself. “You never see Bill Gates saying he doesn’t like himself!” she said. She was right. If you are stuck in the quagmore of self-hatred how can you expect your live to improve. WHat you think and feel is your reality after all. So if you think your are unworthy and uselss then guess what nothing will change. You can’t grow if you don’t believe you can.
Jen Sincero in her book You Are a Badass®: How to Stop Doubting Your Greatness and Start Living reiterates this point over and over again.
“You are perfect. To think anything less is as pointless as a river thinking that it’s got too many curves or that it moves too slowly or that its rapids are too rapid. Says who? You’re on a journey with no defined beginning, middle or end. There are no wrong twists and turns. There is just being. And your job is to be as you as you can be. This is why you’re here. To shy away from who you truly are would leave the world you-less. You are the only you there is and ever will be. I repeat, you are the only you there is and ever will be. Do not deny the world its one and only chance to bask in your brilliance.”Jen Sincero
This quote stuck with me the most when I heard in in my audio book version of it. I had to pull over and pause the book. I am perfect? I hit replay and listened to it again feelign the words sink in. A reminder to myself that the hatred directed towards myself was coming from myself. Becasue I found myself lacking. I find beauty in everything else, in everyone yet it is only me whom I see as flawed. And I cannot grow if I cannot see the perfection within me. Same goes for you, dear reader! Love thyself and watch as you grow to be the person the universe knows you can be.